Steak knife….please?

I am in pain. The left side of my body seems to be leading the charge this weekend which is odd because normally I have more problems with the right side of my body, but I guess the left side was just feeling left out. I know from how the pain feels that I’ve pulled a muscle somewhere which makes sense since I just had two major spinal surgeries and I’ve had to be using my arm muscles more. Depending on how I move my left arm I get these sharp shooting pains, now I have figured out some positions NOT to put my arm in so I have been avoiding those-obviously, but I am still finding new ones that I didn’t realize were bad ones until I put my body in them and then I am quickly notified those are bad..VERY BAD. So last night sleeping was not fun.

I laid down, but I could tell my hips were not in the right position so my wife got a towel for me to put between my ankles to fix my hips and then I actually was able to fall asleep. It’s amazing sometimes how just a minor adjustment will make a difference between hours of tossing and turning and falling to sleep in less than 10 minutes. Since I’ve been dealing with all this crap for so long I’ve learned a trick or two, and my physical therapist taught me a trick or two to help me get in the right sleeping positions by using rolled up towels, pillows, etc.

The other issue that I had last night was I was running my stimulator rather high and I got shooting nerve pain in my most common spot. I have this “sweet spot” for lack of a better term when it comes to nerve pain. I get the worse nerve pain in this one spot right above my right knee in my numb thigh. Yes I just said my thigh is numb, but I get the sharpest nerve pain in that one spot. The issue is once I get the nerve pain there, I tend to then get nerve pain in other places. It not uncommon to see me hitting that place on my thigh with my hand to try and dull the nerve pain because its HURTS. And it’s not like it hurts and goes away oh no it keeps going and it can go for a good hour. Not that I sit and hit my leg for an hour, but I’ll massage that area, I’ll do anything to try and get my mind off the nerve pain, but last night when I could feel the nerve pain THROUGH the stimulator I looked at my wife and said to her “WELL THAT’S NOT FAIR!!!!” She looked at me with a very confused look and asked me what I was referring to, and I responded that I could feel the nerve pain through the stimulator.

I actually was awakened last night by the nerve pain in my leg which wasn’t fair either but at this point I’m used to. I’ve gotten used to that the nerve pain is part of my life and I can’t get away from it, it’s part of me, and will continue to be part of me until I die. They still can’t figure out why some people get random nerve pain why the brain gets overloaded and then sends out pain signals. Nothing that I had done should have caused the pain I was in, I was sitting on the couch with my legs up, I hadn’t walked far, I hadn’t climbed stairs or done anything else to make my body send me all those nasty pain signals yesterday. If I could raise the white flag I would, but you can’t. If I could take a steak knife and just cut out that part that causes the pain I would. Yes I know I can’t it’s not that easy! I also know that if I could just get my surgeon to fix that he would have done that already. In the world I live in you make peace that some days you are going to have excruciating nerve pain and you rejoice the days you don’t!

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