ER or No ER that is the question….

So with this blood clot and everything else that is going on it’s hard right now to make judgement calls..well for me at least. I like black and white. I like yes and no. I like 0 or 1. I like binary. I like easy choices. I like to cut and dry choices with no fuss or muss but last night there was muss and I don’t deal well with that. I have a head cold. Which normally I wouldn’t worry about I would suffer through like I normally do, but right now I have this large blood clot sitting on my lungs so it complicates things.

Plus I am asthmatic so if things weren’t already messy with the large blood clot throw into the mix that I am asthmatic and yeah I was ready to have a mental breakdown last night. Oh did I mention that I don’t like messy situations? Oh did I also mention I am sick and don’t like making decisions when its not black and white? So last night I got into some bad coughing fits that caused me to throw up which of course then posed the question do we go to the ER because I had already taken cough syrup with codeine in it like the doctor told me to, but I couldn’t take the next dose for a couple more hours. I was concerned that I was going to continue to throw up, and all the coughing and throwing up and made my heart race. So the question becomes do I want to go to the ER. UGH!! I don’t know if I want to go…well I know I do not WANT to go, the question is SHOULD I go. So we decide to give myself 10 minutes to see if I calm down, we check my pulse ox and my oxygen levels were really good. The coughing started to go down, the heart rate went down, and everything calmed down in that 10 minutes, but we also decided that if I had a 2nd coughing fit we were leaving immediately no matter what.

I hate all this. I hate the increased medical appointments, the blood tests, the changes in diet. The having to record anytime I have certain foods with vitamin K. HOWEVER I am alive. I am the girl who SURVIVEDĀ the massive blood clot. I lived to tell another tale and for that I am grateful.

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