Ham and Eggs…sorry they were not green

So after my massive blood clot there were several things I almost became fearful to do again. One of these things was make my wife breakfast in bed, and honestly I have not done that for her, I don’t even really make her breakfast in the mornings really anymore. She got used to making breakfast for herself in the mornings and I have not taken that task over again. I didn’t cook scrambled eggs for a long time after my blood clot, and the one morning I did make my wife scrambled eggs for breakfast I did not cook ham with them and I told her I was leaving the plate in the kitchen!

Last night wifey made breakfast for dinner and she made us scrambled eggs, ham, hash-brown potatoes and toast. I realized it was the first time since the massive blood clot we had eaten ham and eggs. They were delicious don’t get me wrong but I realized how much our lives have changed since October. We have really tried to keep as much normal as we can, but we do not have normal lives right now. My life is full of doctors appointments and watching what I eat and her life is full of worrying if I am going to pass out on her again. I know she tries not worry, but its hard.

We have a short list of errands that we have to do today and I will have to take my cane because between the blood clot and the back surgery my right leg is getting increasingly weaker. I would loved to do physical therapy however because of the blood clot they are having me hold off right now. Which that is frustrating to me. I want to be working on these muscles and not have to wait 6 months to start physical therapy, but I also know that I have to wait because that blood clot almost killed me.

I watched this documentary on the comedian Tig Notaro and I realized that is the type of humor I do. The documentary was on when she found out she had cancer and did her stand up on hi I have cancer, my Mom died, etc. That’s the type of comedy I do.

Hi I’ve had 3 spinal surgeries and then out of nowhere 2015 decided to come attack me with a deadly blood clot. So I go down to the local police station to ask about getting a restraining order and they ask if I know the address of the person I want the order on and this is where is starts to get hairy…….

Me- “Well you see officer that’s the thing, I want to get a restraining order out on 2015. No known address.”

Officer-“Excuse me Ma’am, but do I understand you correctly….you want to get a restraining order out on the YEAR 2015?”

Me-“Yes.”

Officer-“Ma’am…you do understand that we can only issue restraining orders on PEOPLE correct?”

Me-“DARN! I was afraid you would tell me that, but if you knew about how 2015 tried to kill  me with a saddle pulmonary embolism you might be more empathetic officer!”

Officer-“A what?”

Me-“A saddle pulmonary embolism, it’s this deadly blood clot that sits on both sides of your lungs, had 3 doctors tell me I should be dead, don’t quite understand how I am still alive. I do however, the devil still has that restraining order out on me and God isn’t ready for me yet!”

Officer-“Well Ma’am I am really sorry to hear about your plight, but we need to use our resources on PEOPLE and problems we can actually solve. So unless you want a restraining order on a PERSON you can have a good day.”

So that was my attempt at getting a restraining order on 2015. Can’t blame me for trying can you?

 

Yup that would be my comedy routine, well part of it anyhow! When you do a comedy routine you need more than just one joke, and I got PLENTY of them! Too bad I can’t stand up long enough to actually do a set.

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