Confrontation

I had this dream last night that I made a doctor’s appointment with that first doctor. That really dumb doctor who kept telling me I had “soft tissue” damage. I made the appointment under an alas and paid cash. Told them I had no insurance. He came in the room and looked at me and said you look familiar. I go yeah doc. You pretended to treat me 2.5 years ago told me that I was crazy that my back damage was “soft tissue” damage. Well guess what doc..and I turned around and flipped up my shirt so he could see the scars. It wasn’t! He’s jaw dropped. You can close your mouth doc. I didn’t come for pity. I didn’t even come for an apology. I wanted you to see that. I’ve had 3 spinal surgeries now and my back may or may not be fixed. That’s what I want you to see. And thanks for nothing. You made me think I was crazy, you made me feel crazy you LIED about my MRI being normal. IT WASN’T! He just looks at me with a bewildered stare. It’s okay doc I know the way out.

I woke up shortly after this and then I rolled back over and went back to sleep. It was gratifying to say everything to him even if it was just in a dream. Sometimes we just have to get it off our chest. I did look at my scars as best as I could in the mirror this morning, they signify my journey. I have the ones from my gallbladder surgery, the one from my first spinal surgery and then the 6 from the latest 2 spinal surgeries. Each one tells a different story. A piece in the journey. I am stronger because of each one of them. Sure I would rather not have them, but they are now part of me. When I was in the hospital with the blood clot the nurses and doctors were rather surprised at all the scars on my back. You have 6? Yes 6. Wow… I wanted to roll my eyes every time, but refrained. The top one is about 2″ the four are about 1″ and then the one on my butt is about 1″. I can tell you what they were all for if that is helpful. No it’s just surprising that’s all. Each one tells a story. Of course now they look better they aren’t puffy, completely healed and are starting to fade.

We all make a path in live, we all travel that path we take left turns, right turns, climb mountains. We often wonder did I make the right choices, am I on the right path, did I choose wisely? I think when you can look at yourself in the mirror and smile no matter what is going on in your life you know you are on the right path.

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