I will be the first to admit I procrastinate horribly. I will find everything in the world to do first and then the 5 minute job will be done last. So I have needed to schedule a c-spine cat scan and I keep putting it off because I am afraid of the results. I’m pretty sure they are going to find damage. Why am I pretty sure because when I was a little girl I was in a pretty bad car accident and they thought I broke my neck. By the grace of God I did not. When I was 18 I don’t remember why I was at the chiropractor but we found out that my neck was misaligned from that accident. So we know I went years with my neck not being quite right, then when I was teaching I went for a evaluation and once again I was told there was damage to my neck so when my spinal specialist raised concerns about damage to my c-spine I knew it was time. So we are doing a cat scan of my neck to see what is there. We know I have degenerative disc disease in the low back, plus the arthritis so we’ll see what else we find. I know knowing is better than not knowing but some days I think ignorance is bliss.
So I have chest pains so I’ve been trying to keep low key today and when I try to keep low key I get bored to the nth degree so I started making all these memes for fun. I think I made about a dozen or so. I just kept looking through pictures, looking through ones that had already been made. Found ones that were cute, found funny ones, found stupid ones, found ones that I wish I had the power to delete! Wasted way too much time on that webpage and then decided to heat up a couple of slices of pizza from last night.
I really wish they could tell me what the chest pain is. I’m so over it! My oxygen stats are fine, my heart rate has been okay and it’s not my asthma. So what is it? I’m so tired of not knowing what is going on. Of course with every answer comes the knowledge of my body not being happy with me. I sometimes wish I could go back in time when I didn’t have so many medical diagnoses to balance/juggle, but I take each day one at a time.
I think if I have learned anything its that I have a voice in all this. It’s not that I am better it’s that I am learning to stand up for myself. I am learning not to just run and hide. Not to just pull the covers over my head. Sure there are days where that’s all I want to do, but I am tackling problems one at a time. Life is rough but when you focus on what you can do to change things it doesn’t seem as bad.