I’m sitting here thinking about a million different things and I’m tired and want to sleep and wide awake at the same time. My mind is pulling in this direction and that and I want to sleep. I want to rest even for 20 minutes and I would be happy. I’ve been sitting in the dark for like an hour now hoping for some settling of an unrest mind. The funny part about this mind of mine is that I’m not anxious or nervous, I just have a lot of thoughts going on all at once. I read an article about yoga and how certain poses can increase glaucoma risk for patients with predisposition towards the disease. I read the positions mentioned and it made sense to me.
I remember one of my favorite things about being in college and then graduate school was reading scholarly journals and reading the latest studies and research. I know sounds like a snooze-fest to most, but it really interested me to see what people were studying especially when it came to things involving human behavior. This makes sense since I was a teacher so I read a lot about classroom management, children’s development, etc. As a graduate student we read about testing, language acquisition and the affects of knowing more than one language. I think what frustrates me the most right now is when I am looking at an object like a table and I can’t think of it’s name, but I know it’s name in 3 languages! I’m standing looking at it and cannot come up with any word for it, yet I know that its table, la mesa and la table. So I’m standing staring at this piece of wood with four legs and I can’t articulate any nomenclature yet I know 3!! I know three names for this object yet due to the neurological issues I can’t spit it out.
I have to have another dose of anesthesia and I’m thinking about that in the back of my head but I’ve made peace with whatever happens because God is in control and all is well. Sure I get frustrated when I can’t remember la mesa, la table or table, but at this point I’ve learned to point and laugh. My wife has learned to help when I need it, but give me more time to think of the word on my own. Sometimes it comes to me, sometimes it doesn’t. The people closest to me understand and anyone else doesn’t need an explanation, but I usually give them one because I get flustered.
I sit with a million things running through my head but I am at peace because I know all is well. I know that I only have to handle what comes my way today. I can do that. I can handle that. Piece by piece we are moving forward. I may not get all the answers to all the questions, but I get what I need to handle today and if not maybe I’ll get it tomorrow.