Death. It’s not sexy. It’s not funny. No one wants to talk about it. We hide from it. We want to be old and grey. We want to avoid death as long as possible. I get it. We scream and wail when someone young dies. We think why did that happen to them? Why so young! It wasn’t fair! It shouldn’t have happen to them!
My sister died young, she was in a car accident and suffered a lot of injuries and significant brain injuries that we didn’t know about for 2 weeks. We had to remove life support. I would never wish that on anybody. While we as the family knew it was the right choice to remove life support it was still a hard action.
So last year I came close to losing my own life when I developed a saddle pulmonary embolism. I was told over and over again that I should be dead. How lucky I was to be alive. Trust me I know, I’ve now seen the scans (and I think I’m grateful that I didn’t see them until the clots were 100% resolved!!!)
So I have another surgery coming up and everyone is worried about blood clots again (I’m not, but I do understand that I am at high risk). So I told the wifey that I need to fill out the Advance Directive paperwork and sign it and then file it with the hospital before the surgery this year. I am feeling confident that everything will go smoothly. So you are probably thinking so why is she filling out and filing the paperwork?? Last year we came to close to crossing that bridge. I want to sit down and have that paperwork filled out. I want to sit down and discuss with the wifey how long should she keep me on life support. How long should she do this, how long do I want that. How far do I expect her to go to keep me alive. As a couple we have talked about a LOT of things and this is something we have skirted around.
Filling out the paperwork so they have it, so it’s clear what I want is important. I don’t want her to have to guess. I also don’t want her to have to feel like she has to make all those decisions alone. If we sit and I fill out the forms and we discuss all this now she knows how I feel. I realized that I know what she wants if she dies, but I don’t know where I want to be buried, if I want to be buried. Do I want to be cremated? I never really thought about it! Last year I came too close for comfort to the end, I have no plans on getting that close again! I just want to write out my wishes for my family so they know.