Smiling through the pain

How can you still be smiling? How can anyone possibly smile when they are in that much pain? Maybe you aren’t really in as much pain as you say you are! Oh trust and believe I am! When your body is basically breaking down you have two choices stay on the pity pot or jump off and try to make the best of a crappy situation. I choose the latter. Trust me waking up every morning and putting knee braces on is not my first choice. Waking up and putting on knee braces and switching from a soft neck brace to a hard neck brace is REALLY not my first choice right now, but it is my life. I can either suit up and show up or I can hide and be all poor me. Suiting up and showing up means I can see my niece and hear her giggle and see her zoom around the living room in that dress she pulled out of the dress up box. See my nephew giggle as he tries to steal his sister’s cookie while she’s not looking. Suiting up and showing up means I get to spend time with my brother and talk about why worm holes and Dr. Who actually make perfect sense and why the 10th Doctor is better than the 9th.

Suiting up and showing up means that I  go to physical therapy and do the stupid squats that I hate to make my legs stronger so that maybe I won’t fall next time. Suiting up and showing up means that I get to have dinner with the whole family and laugh about this or that story that I had forgotten about until someone brought it back up from the family archives. Suiting up and showing up means I hear the prognosis and treatment plan from the specialists even when I wish it was better news. Even when I wanted better results.

I know I joke and laugh and smile more than people might expect, but that’s how I deal with the pain. Just because I’m laughing and smiling doesn’t mean I’m pain free it means that I am trying to do everything I can to fight the pain. I get tired easily; much easier than even I want to admit. I just have to honor my limitations and keep working on what I can fix and accept the things I cannot change at this point. It’s a bitter pill to sallow at my age, but I know things could be worse. I am going to keep on moving upwards and onwards! You have to keep a positive attitude or else all the negative will eat you from the inside. You cannot let all the bad things get to you or you will sit on that pity pot until you no longer exist and who wants that? NOT I! I would rather suit up and show up and enjoy life with limitations than miss out on all the joy life brings me!

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