Monthly Archives: September 2016

Crazy

Why be normal? I mean normal is overrated right? This week has been a lot of crazy feelings and wanting to jump through the phone. There has been a lot of turmoil from one person not doing what they said they were going to do 3 weeks ago and it blew up in my face this week. So I spent the majority of this week scrambling to try and get it fixed.

Of course on the upside of my week Mom took me clothes shopping last week and I got to wear shirts that actually fit and that made me feel good. I have been losing so much weight that the clothes that I currently own are getting bigger and bigger on me. Mom told me it was time to get some shirts that fit so we can start donating the biggest clothes again. I had already dumped my closet of one size and soon I will be ready to do another dump. I am down about 120lbs. I am feeling proud of my accomplishment. I am over halfway to my goal weight that was recently given to me by my doctor.

I just wish my pain levels would go down, even a little! That first year the stupid doctor who will not be named blamed my weight for my pain, well guess what doc? I’m a lot lighter and I am still in pain. It’s also fall which means the temperatures are going to start dropping and while I welcome the cooler temperatures I remember how my hardware didn’t like the cold last year!

I am working hard in physical therapy to build up my muscles as I continue to lose the weight so I know that I have a healthy body. I am eating healthier, drinking lots of water and taking care of me. Next month we are going to look into doing the genetic testing for blood clots and hopefully find out if I have a genetic disposition for blood clots which several of my doctors and myself believe I do. While that’s not the best thing in the world I would rather know for sure than guess. Having a massive blood clot was one of the scariest moments in my life and I just want to know if that could happen again. Of course just because I have a disorder doesn’t mean it would happen again, it just means there is the possibility. Also knowing we can take different precautions so the likelihood of a repeat is less.

When you have so many major medical problems its about knowledge and prevention. You come to understand that things in life are uncertain and you do your best to prevent what you know could happen. You don’t stop living your life, you just make subtle changes to try and prevent things. I stopped eating high vitamin K foods while I’m on the blood thinners because it makes life easier right now. Once I’m off blood thinners I probably will be more aware of how I eat high vitamin K foods knowing they thicken the blood.

Life is short. This morning we were laughing and giggle and I was thinking about how 3 years ago we were getting ready to be married. Now wifey is stuck with me and has stood by my side through all this stuff. She’s a good egg. I’m blessed. We have a good life. It’s crazy, it’s silly and it’s full of laughs.

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Emotions, Post Surgery and Restlessness

Last year I had my low back fused, and then 1 month to the day I had a saddle pulmonary embolism that according to the doctors should have killed me. So this year when I had my neck fused I’ll be honest the first 30 days I was holding my breath some. We did the blood thinner shots right after surgery, we did the IVC filter and I am back on blood thinners until the filter comes out probably in October. All that being said, I still held by breath until we hit that 30 day mark and I finally felt like I could breath again.

This post surgery recovery seems to be going more smoothly, and I don’t know if its because it’s so much higher that it has not limited my mobility in the same way that the low back did, or if it’s because this is my 4th major surgery in 2 years so I’m just so used to it that I’m a pro now. In all honesty…it’s probably a combination of the two. I never thought I would become a pro at having major surgeries and it’s not resume material, but you roll with the punches, and keep a good sense of humor about life! I know I haven’t posted in almost two weeks which is unusual for me, and I think I wrote six draft posts and trashed all of them.

I just have been nervous the closer we got to that thirty day mark, a bit restless because we were getting to that thirty day mark and no matter how much you tell yourself this time will be different there is always that small voice in the back of your head to remind you of last time. Every morning I would pass the box of empty shots and think to myself this time WAS different. We learned a very valuable lesson and you ARE fine.

It’s hard when you have had that kind of experience and then you have to turn around and in less than a year put yourself in almost the same circumstances that you were in when you had medical professionals tell you that you should be dead. I am the first one to tell you I am very glad to be alive. I know I am blessed beyond words to be alive. The more people that hear my story the more I realize how blessed I am, we have met several people over this last year who have lost loved ones to saddle pulmonary embolisms. They are no joke. I thank God everyday that I am alive.

I am coming up to the 1 year mark for my 2nd and 3rd surgeries (they were done on the same day) and I think that is why I am so restless. I know that was the event that started the dominoes falling. I know a lot more now then I knew then and we learned from everything that happened. I have a really weird body!

Hopefully with more testing we’ll get some answers on what is going on and why stuff keeps happening. I think we’re headed in the right direction and then maybe I won’t think my body is so weird, it will just be my personality!