Before and After

When you have any major life event there is a before and after. After awhile you can’t remember what life was really like before..you have this rose colored glasses view of your life. You forget how hard life was, you forget the problems you had because life is hard now, life is different now and you long for your before life. I make a lot of jokes about my injuries because it helps me deal with the fact that I will never have my old life back. I will always log roll to get out of bed in the morning. I will always have to watch the placement of my feet when I walk. I will always be careful about blood clots for the rest of my life.

When I was young I was in a major car accident, I survived. I thought that was the worse thing that could ever happen to me. I will be celebrating my wedding anniversary. I remember my wedding day and how excited I was and now I forget what life was like before I was married. You get used to what life is like now.

I am used to going to the doctor all the time, physical therapy every week. Home exercises, working to strengthen the muscles that have weakened. I was talking to one of the doctors this week about permanent nerve damage because in my thigh I have permanent nerve damage and they are concerned that I might also have permanent nerve damage in my arms. There is also a possibility there is permanent nerve damage in my neck, but we think it’s only temporary nerve damage! It’s sad when you get excited about temporary nerve damage.

But for me there will always be a before and after for me. There is a life before all these surgeries and the blood clot, a life that I don’t remember anymore. A life that I barely remember anymore. Life without daily pains, wearing braces, watching where I move, how I move, and what I do. I can’t just do what I want anymore.

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