Black, blue and pale all over….

I don’t mind giving myself shots. Sure I would much rather to NOT have to give myself blood thinner shots, I mean I’m not no one readily signs up to give themselves shots..okay well there might be a small fraction of the population who want to, but I think it’s safe to say MOST don’t want to give themselves shots. The issue with the blood thinner shots is you have to give them on your stomach which means bruising and I’m so pale that it leaves a nice black and blue mark there.

Of course since we had my INR ratio at a nice even number my blood was nice and thin that means nice beautiful bruises. Since I am so pale that mean they look even more black and blue than I’m sure someone with a more tan coloring would look. This morning I announced very proudly how many I had given myself and how many I had left with a “but who’s counting” remark at the end of the statement. I mean I’m not trying to hurry this process at all..right?

I will be glad when these shots are over because that means two things a) the filter has been successfully removed and b) my INR has returned to a nice level again. If you had asked me 2 years ago if I would have this much medical knowledge I would have raised an eyebrow, then furrowed my brows and said no and then probably squinted at you. Now I shrug my shoulders and say c’est la vie which is French for such is life, shake my head and tell some quip or joke and move the conversation into a much more light hearted direction.

I have had a lot dumped in my lap, but I try not to let it weigh me down. I make jokes where I can, and brush the rest of it off. It’s not easy. There are times when I want to sit in the corner and cry and give up. I just have learned that I can’t give up. I have to shake it all off and keep moving. I can’t give in and humor has been my shield.

I have also learned that by telling my story I have helped others not repeat my mistakes. I have helped others get medical treatment when they needed it. I will be the first one to admit I am stubborn. I don’t particularly like doctors, doctor’s offices or hospitals. I will procrastinate going, but I am getting better about getting help faster. I have learned that you can’t always wait, it can be life or death. Waiting can kill. I am blessed that I have a good medical team who helps me make good decisions. Unfortunately there are times that there isn’t a great decision to be made. The other day we had a situation where there really isn’t anything that can be done besides just treat the symptoms for now.

I have learned to be a little more patient and be an advocate. I have also learned at the end of the day I know my body the best. I know what is going on the best and I have to speak up for myself. That has been the most challenging lesson of all. Learning how to speak up in the right ways.

SerenityPrayer

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