So after genetic testing came back positive it’s looking like I will be on blood thinners for the foreseeable future. I am working closely with my hematologist to stay on the best course of action for me with everything. The emergency surgery from December has also pushed back the removal of my IVC filter for a few more months, but I know that will happen when it’s supposed to. I was hoping it would be out already, but everything happens when it’s supposed to and I have faith that I am protected just like in December.
I also had blood work to check all my levels to make sure that things have returned to normal. We felt it would be good to re-check my iron, vitamin, and blood volume. After everything it’s good to make sure no more surprises. I mean birthday surprises are good, anemia, not so much! I have been feeling really run down still which is what we have been concerned about, but that isn’t really anything too new.
My shoulder has been bothering me more so we have been doing more physical therapy exercises to try and strengthen it. I am hoping that will help so I have less pain in it. My knee popped really loud so I’ve been upping my knee rehab at home too hoping that helps, I am also going to get new knee braces soon. That hopefully will help soon. The good part of losing weight is that they are big, the bad part is that they are big.
It will be good. On wards and upwards. ALL IS WELL!
How can you still be smiling? How can anyone possibly smile when they are in that much pain? Maybe you aren’t really in as much pain as you say you are! Oh trust and believe I am! When your body is basically breaking down you have two choices stay on the pity pot or jump off and try to make the best of a crappy situation. I choose the latter. Trust me waking up every morning and putting knee braces on is not my first choice. Waking up and putting on knee braces and switching from a soft neck brace to a hard neck brace is REALLY not my first choice right now, but it is my life. I can either suit up and show up or I can hide and be all poor me. Suiting up and showing up means I can see my niece and hear her giggle and see her zoom around the living room in that dress she pulled out of the dress up box. See my nephew giggle as he tries to steal his sister’s cookie while she’s not looking. Suiting up and showing up means I get to spend time with my brother and talk about why worm holes and Dr. Who actually make perfect sense and why the 10th Doctor is better than the 9th.
Suiting up and showing up means that I go to physical therapy and do the stupid squats that I hate to make my legs stronger so that maybe I won’t fall next time. Suiting up and showing up means that I get to have dinner with the whole family and laugh about this or that story that I had forgotten about until someone brought it back up from the family archives. Suiting up and showing up means I hear the prognosis and treatment plan from the specialists even when I wish it was better news. Even when I wanted better results.
I know I joke and laugh and smile more than people might expect, but that’s how I deal with the pain. Just because I’m laughing and smiling doesn’t mean I’m pain free it means that I am trying to do everything I can to fight the pain. I get tired easily; much easier than even I want to admit. I just have to honor my limitations and keep working on what I can fix and accept the things I cannot change at this point. It’s a bitter pill to sallow at my age, but I know things could be worse. I am going to keep on moving upwards and onwards! You have to keep a positive attitude or else all the negative will eat you from the inside. You cannot let all the bad things get to you or you will sit on that pity pot until you no longer exist and who wants that? NOT I! I would rather suit up and show up and enjoy life with limitations than miss out on all the joy life brings me!
So this week at physical therapy I did squats… which is not my favorite exercise. I dislike doing squats and I do a modified exercise because of my damage to my spine. I am also under the close supervision of the tech while doing the squats. Well I’m not sure if we just did to many this week, or if it’s just the fact that I have no feeling in my right thigh or a combination of everything…but this morning my right leg, specifically my thigh muscle is buckling. Now the fun part is because I cannot feel my thigh or the muscle I get no warning until it buckles.
Which I want to remind everyone that my balance is REALLY CRAPPY! So to be walking and then all the sudden my leg to buckle is not working out well for me this morning. I was walking and it buckled and I stumbled. All I can think is I cannot fall this close to my surgery. I cannot break anything this close to surgery. I dislike that I cannot feel my thigh and that I randomly lose muscle control in my leg. I have a knee brace, but if this continues I have a feeling the doctors are going to evaluate if I need a longer brace on my leg for stability.
This is also why I told the hospital that I am 100% a fall risk. I can admit that my balance is crappy, I can admit that I have neurological complications, and I sway when I try to stand still. My back is not fused and my center of gravity is non-existent. I know this, and I have begrudgingly accepted it for now. It’s hard to accept what you cannot change, but it is wise to learn your limitations before you hurt yourself more.