Tag Archives: neck surgery

Nerve pain go away

This morning I am stiff and sore and a bit grumpy! Normally I am chipper and happy and annoying! Today I want to put a sign up to tell everyone shop is closed. I just didn’t sleep last night. Every joint in my body hurts, my nerves in my legs have been bothering me more than they normally do which is annoying. I take medication to help, but it’s looking like that medication might need to be adjusted. I normally rather enjoy St. Patrick’s Day. Today it feels like any other day of the week. I didn’t even put on a green shirt, the wifey commented on my lack of enthusiasm for the day, I gave her a glare.

I do have a bit of green on my shirt for all those inquiring minds. This month has been hard. They think I might have frozen shoulder syndrome which means that my right shoulder has been particularly sensitive. I am also having problems with my hand falling asleep again which is equally annoying. When both of my arms would go totally numb I got used to having my arms and hands numb, but since the neck surgery I have rather enjoyed having feeling back in my hands. I am also noticing that I am increasingly having problems opening jars, medication bottles, etc which I am not sure if that is due to the frozen shoulder or something else. I have an evaluation next week and I am going to ask the person doing the eval if they are related or something else.

I am trying to keep my head up and enjoying the ride, but this has just been a hard month. I have had 2 deaths in the family and I think that is taking it’s toll on me emotionally. I am emotionally exhausted at this point . We all know that when you are drained emotionally, physically it can make you a bit grumpy. That being said I am trying to take a step back and remembering all those self-care tips and not over tax myself.

I think that is one thing I have learned from all of this. Do not try to play Superwoman, because you will never be Superwoman again. I physically cannot play the part. I do not have to play the part, and no one expects me to play the part. I need to recognize my own limitations and just breathe.

shopclosed

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Recovery is like a cha-cha

Recovery is like a cha-cha you take lots of steps forward and then you go back. So I had been making progress with my neck. The imaging actually looked so well that I don’t need any more imaging on my neck right now. It’s healing properly! It’s fusing the way it’s supposed to, which is such a blessing! I was so glad to hear that after all the headaches with my back (more on that in a minute). I have had so much radiation from x-rays, cat scans and MRIs over the last 4-6 years that the doctors are getting concerned because I am young. So the neurosurgeon in January decided to only do a cat scan of my back, that my neck looked stable.

So we did a cat scan of my back and this time there is enough bone growth to consider me stable. It still has not fully fused (which is highly frustrating, but I’ll take what I can get) but there is enough bone growth that I am out of the woods finally. The hardware is stable, and they don’t feel like it will break off. There is some peace about that. When people talk about metal fatigue and how it could break and puncture you, it is a little disconcerting. However with my history I figure that’s the least of my concerns!

So the real problem I am having is with my shoulder. I think that when both of my arms were totally numb I possibly tore my rotator cuff. I didn’t know any better because I had no feeling and now that I have feeling back, it has been bothering me since about October last year. We have also been doing physical therapy on it since October last year. I will get better for a bit and then it gets worse again. So this past week it has gotten a lot worse for no apparent reason and I finally have broken down and made an appointment with the orthopedic doctor.

The neurosurgeon doctor and the physical therapy doctor both agree it’s time to see the orthopedic doctor about my shoulder. So we will see what he says, of course I could be wrong and it could be something totally different. I just want to get to the bottom of it and find out so we can fix it. I just hope I don’t have to have surgery, but this having surgery every year is getting VERY OLD! I stopped wishing for no surgeries because I have learned that is just asking for a surgery to happen, so I am just going to go with the flow and see what happens. All is well no matter what!

Same ole same ole

Same ole story my back STILL hasn’t fused and no one knows why! I am going to have a CT scan done at the end of the month to figure out how much bone has grown, but for a fusion that should have completed in 6 months and it’s been 24 months (almost 25 months) to say I’m disappointed would be a little bit of an understatement. I think the best part now is that we have to watch for metal fatigue…yes that means we have to watch to make sure the metal that was implanted last year doesn’t break. Oh joy! As if I don’t have enough on my plate let me worry about if they are going to need a soldering iron too….

I will be seeing the hematologist soon and two things will happen at that appointment a) we will discuss removal of the IVC filter because everyone is pretty confident I am not going to have some massive deadly blood clot and b) genetic testing to see which genetic clotting disorder I possibly have. Which I am almost coming up to my 1 year anniversary of my first massive deadly all the doctors told me I should be 6 feet in the ground date so the fact that I’m still walking and talking is a HUGE plus! I mean I rather enjoy being a pain in everyone’s BUTT! I said that to one of my doctor’s recently and all he could do was laugh and shake his head. No other response but laughter….I think that’s a good sign…right?

Everyone is happy I survived especially me! Last night someone called me by my deceased sister’s name and I corrected them. They looked at me and apologized and I was teasing them about that if I was her we would really have a problem because I know it’s getting close to Halloween…but we’re not THAT close yet! Then I said if they wanted to go pay her a visit she has a lovely view of the river! The person laughed and said it was good to know I hadn’t lost my sense of humor (they had not seen me recently, and knew I had been having some serious medical issues).

I still think we need to start a betting pool on if my neck is going to fuse before my back! I mean the back has a 2 year lead on my neck, but at the rate it is going, my neck might actually fuse first! We could do a 50/50 split and the other 50 could go towards my medical bills! (I am of course just kidding!) It will be interesting to see which heals first my neck or my back, in some ways I think my neck will heal first because I am skinnier, and I think my overall health is better right now. Sure I am on the blood thinners, but I think the difference in the weight will make a huge difference in the outcome (as much as I hate to say it).

Which speaking of weight yesterday I put on a women’s XL shirt for the first time in years, and I was super excited. I am really working hard at taking off the excess pounds slowly and healthy. I am seeing the improvements, and I also know from doing all the physical therapy that I am also building up the muscle mass as well so I am not just losing the weight I am also building up muscle which will be important for the long term!

Crazy

Why be normal? I mean normal is overrated right? This week has been a lot of crazy feelings and wanting to jump through the phone. There has been a lot of turmoil from one person not doing what they said they were going to do 3 weeks ago and it blew up in my face this week. So I spent the majority of this week scrambling to try and get it fixed.

Of course on the upside of my week Mom took me clothes shopping last week and I got to wear shirts that actually fit and that made me feel good. I have been losing so much weight that the clothes that I currently own are getting bigger and bigger on me. Mom told me it was time to get some shirts that fit so we can start donating the biggest clothes again. I had already dumped my closet of one size and soon I will be ready to do another dump. I am down about 120lbs. I am feeling proud of my accomplishment. I am over halfway to my goal weight that was recently given to me by my doctor.

I just wish my pain levels would go down, even a little! That first year the stupid doctor who will not be named blamed my weight for my pain, well guess what doc? I’m a lot lighter and I am still in pain. It’s also fall which means the temperatures are going to start dropping and while I welcome the cooler temperatures I remember how my hardware didn’t like the cold last year!

I am working hard in physical therapy to build up my muscles as I continue to lose the weight so I know that I have a healthy body. I am eating healthier, drinking lots of water and taking care of me. Next month we are going to look into doing the genetic testing for blood clots and hopefully find out if I have a genetic disposition for blood clots which several of my doctors and myself believe I do. While that’s not the best thing in the world I would rather know for sure than guess. Having a massive blood clot was one of the scariest moments in my life and I just want to know if that could happen again. Of course just because I have a disorder doesn’t mean it would happen again, it just means there is the possibility. Also knowing we can take different precautions so the likelihood of a repeat is less.

When you have so many major medical problems its about knowledge and prevention. You come to understand that things in life are uncertain and you do your best to prevent what you know could happen. You don’t stop living your life, you just make subtle changes to try and prevent things. I stopped eating high vitamin K foods while I’m on the blood thinners because it makes life easier right now. Once I’m off blood thinners I probably will be more aware of how I eat high vitamin K foods knowing they thicken the blood.

Life is short. This morning we were laughing and giggle and I was thinking about how 3 years ago we were getting ready to be married. Now wifey is stuck with me and has stood by my side through all this stuff. She’s a good egg. I’m blessed. We have a good life. It’s crazy, it’s silly and it’s full of laughs.

Emotions, Post Surgery and Restlessness

Last year I had my low back fused, and then 1 month to the day I had a saddle pulmonary embolism that according to the doctors should have killed me. So this year when I had my neck fused I’ll be honest the first 30 days I was holding my breath some. We did the blood thinner shots right after surgery, we did the IVC filter and I am back on blood thinners until the filter comes out probably in October. All that being said, I still held by breath until we hit that 30 day mark and I finally felt like I could breath again.

This post surgery recovery seems to be going more smoothly, and I don’t know if its because it’s so much higher that it has not limited my mobility in the same way that the low back did, or if it’s because this is my 4th major surgery in 2 years so I’m just so used to it that I’m a pro now. In all honesty…it’s probably a combination of the two. I never thought I would become a pro at having major surgeries and it’s not resume material, but you roll with the punches, and keep a good sense of humor about life! I know I haven’t posted in almost two weeks which is unusual for me, and I think I wrote six draft posts and trashed all of them.

I just have been nervous the closer we got to that thirty day mark, a bit restless because we were getting to that thirty day mark and no matter how much you tell yourself this time will be different there is always that small voice in the back of your head to remind you of last time. Every morning I would pass the box of empty shots and think to myself this time WAS different. We learned a very valuable lesson and you ARE fine.

It’s hard when you have had that kind of experience and then you have to turn around and in less than a year put yourself in almost the same circumstances that you were in when you had medical professionals tell you that you should be dead. I am the first one to tell you I am very glad to be alive. I know I am blessed beyond words to be alive. The more people that hear my story the more I realize how blessed I am, we have met several people over this last year who have lost loved ones to saddle pulmonary embolisms. They are no joke. I thank God everyday that I am alive.

I am coming up to the 1 year mark for my 2nd and 3rd surgeries (they were done on the same day) and I think that is why I am so restless. I know that was the event that started the dominoes falling. I know a lot more now then I knew then and we learned from everything that happened. I have a really weird body!

Hopefully with more testing we’ll get some answers on what is going on and why stuff keeps happening. I think we’re headed in the right direction and then maybe I won’t think my body is so weird, it will just be my personality!

Finding Zen

So often the hardest part about being chronically ill is finding your zen. You spend a lot of time waiting for the “other shoe to drop.” You either have things going really well and you are waiting for something to fall apart or everything is falling apart and you are waiting for what else could possibly go wrong. The real trick is to find a neutral space in all the medical chaos you often find yourself in and just try to stay in a peaceful mindset.

It’s not easy and I am no expert on this one! I often find myself drifting into the chaotic world of what could possible go wrong next! I really have found humor to be a good outlet for myself because if I can keep laughing I find I stress less. Notice I said less, not that I don’t stress, because I am human, but I stress less. I try to explain how I feel to the doctors but even after so many years of the pains it’s hard sometimes to explain what is going on. It’s hard to explain how I feel, I get tripped up over my own thoughts and words and the more I get tripped up the more anxious I get. The more anxious I get the more I get tripped up and the cycle continues.

I think for me I have learned to just pause, take a minute to collect my thoughts and start over. I try to take a deep breathe and collect my thoughts and realize that I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to explain the best I can. No one can feel the pain like I can so I have to be my own advocate but if I’m not telling them the whole truth they can’t help me. So sometimes I just have to let them know I’m overwhelmed. Let them know how I’m feeling and then go on from there.

No one is asking you to be superman or superwoman. They are just asking you to be you! They are asking you to be truthful and honest and help them help you. Learning to be gentle with yourself is hard, but worth it.

NAPS!

Okay fess up who doesn’t like a good NAP? I mean I really think the Spanish have it right with siestas in the afternoon! Take a nap go back to work, you feel refreshed! As a child I stopped napping at 6 months which my poor Mom had to put up with, as an adult I take a nap about everyday now…I think I am making up for lost time…sorry Mom! My Mom really is a saint! She takes me to my appointments, helps with taking me to do odd errands like going to the bank, post office etc. When she jokes about that I am her full time job she’s not kidding!

I am really grateful for my Mom and how much help she has been these last couple of years with getting me to these appointments. I don’t know where I would be without her. It’s been nice to spend some extra time with her. Of course when we spend all this extra time it doesn’t feel like quality time because its always around medical appointments. I am seeing this doctor or that doctor, I’m getting this or that test run. So every once in awhile she and I will pick a day and just go out. We’ll spend some quality time together that is not around some medical appointment or procedure.

I know that my whole life is not going to be based around doctor visits and medical testing but right now that’s what it feels like and it’s exhausting! I have all these pills to take, all these blood draws and tests plus physical therapy. I’m always at this doctor or that’s office for some sort of check up. I have this test or that test coming up. My calendar is already filling up for December and we haven’t even hit September yet… life of anyone with a chronic illness!