I want to be social, but my body wants to stay home. I want to go hang out with my friends, but my pain levels are too high. I want to go to the movies, but I know I’ll fall asleep. I want to go out to lunch, but by the time I get ready I am too exhausted. Those are all comments I hear frequently from chronic pain sufferers. There is this balance between what you want to do and what your body will allow you to do. Taking a shower is exhausting for many, and then you have to get dressed and by the time you’ve done that you still have to eat! Often just the normal morning routine makes you want to take a nap!
When I was having issues with my heart rate taking a shower would push my heart rate into exercise levels, so by the time I took my short short shower I was completely exhausted and ready for a nap! However I had to get dressed and getting dressed is its own can of worms. I never knew what. a pain getting dressed could be until I had spinal issues.
Here is an experiment for you try to get dressed without bending, twisting and without placing your hands behind your hips. Any time your arms/hands go behind your hips you twist your spine, now try to get dressed…pain right? When everything first happened it took me FOREVER to get dressed. I had to do everything very slowly, and calculated to make sure I was reminding myself not to bend and not to twist. I would get something almost on and then I would drop it and have to start over, that was “fun”! There were times I just cried out of frustration.
Now I can get dressed in a more normal amount of time, Mom says I still take longer than I used to, which I’m sure is true. I am better because I have learned how to put everything on, which order is most time efficient, etc. There are still times that I get out of the shower and think can I nap now? Can I just go back to bed? The temperature in the shower has to be just right or else that becomes an issue for me. Here again there is a delicate balance in things I would have never thought about before I hurt myself.
Life is good even if it is a constant balancing act. I just have to remember that slow and steady wins the race and to watch which direction my feet are pointed in!
*Circle of Life Song ques* NOOOO not that! I said Pain/Sleep Cycle guys not the Circle of life!!! *Record scratches, Pumba farts-he is a warthog afterall* Yo, Pumba take Simba and get out of here! Leave the door open too, you STINK!!
Okay now that we got the place aired out a bit! Last night I was exhausted, the good exhausted from spending time with family and the kids, but exhausted none the less. The issue when you have chronic pain is that often when you get exhausted the more you WANT to sleep the more your body said NO WAY JOSE! So I tossed and turned a lot of the night, my heart rate was running high a lot of the day (in the 140 range). My oxygen levels were decent from what I could tell. I have a feeling the cardiologist may suggest doing a halter monitor for me to get a better idea what my heart rate and oxygen levels are on a consistent basis since I’m only spot checking, and when I’m sitting I’m in a normal range, when I’m standing they are much higher for the heart rate and the oxygen levels while still normal tend to be on the lower end of normal.
So this morning at 5:30am I woke up in pain, but I didn’t want to get up. Then at 6:45am I had the all too familiar electric shock feeling on the bottom of my one foot. So I caved. I got up, I took a shower and now I’m ready for bed again. The simplest tasks are exhausting for me still. I never thought I would seriously debate do I have the energy for a shower today? Now that is a question that I frequently will ask myself. Do I really want to shower? Do I have the energy to shower? What else is on the agenda for today? I actually try to shower on days where I have nothing on the agenda because it takes so much energy.
So I took my shower combed my hair, got dressed and then thought maybe I should change back in my PJs and just climb back into bed! That sounds like a much better idea today! But the coffee was made so I decided to drink my coffee and see if I felt better after my morning cup. I may still decide to ditch real clothes and go back to bed! I am supposed to go to a meeting this morning but I’m not sure I can muster the energy. I really feel like I haven’t slept however my Sleep Apnea machine told me that I got decent sleep so that’s good news. That’s another piece of my personal puzzle often I will sleep rough because of the pain and then the sleep apnea will cause me to sleep even worse.
I changed the format of the blog a bit to try and make it easier for people to find old posts. I realized that if you are trying to find posts on specific topics it might be nice to search by keywords. Hope that helps! It was also interesting to see what I write the most about, which is more which tags I use the most. Some tags I think I needs to use more! Put it all in prospective for me!
Enjoy your day! Enjoy your cup of joe! Compliment someone today! Attitude of Gratitude goes a long way!
So with my hair falling out I hate showers even more. I have even tried brushing my hair before taking a shower hoping the amount of hair falling out during the shower would be less, but I really don’t think that helps any. I think that is doing absolutely nothing but making me stand in front of the mirror and watch my hair fall out before I take a shower and see hand fulls of hair as I wash it come out. I see the doctor tomorrow about all this and who knows what the outcome will be besides blood work which I know he’ll order because that is usually the starting point when you have something going on but not sure what it might be.
I’m sure they will check my thyroid because thyroid issues run in the family. My sister before her death dealt with Hashimoto’s which is a type of autoimmune disease where the thyroid attacks the body. In the past they have thought I had thyroid issues because of different symptoms but my blood work has always come back normal. This morning while I was thinking about my week and everything going on I wasn’t paying attention to the acrobatics or the nerve pain in my leg distracted me or all of the above and I go shampoo in my eye which I HATE. So now I have one red eye and one normal eye which just adds to the list of jokes I could make right now about how I would fail my cirque du soleil audition.
I’ve been waking up with increased nerve pain in my left leg which has not been fun at all. I think there should be a limit to how much nerve pain I have to deal with and I should be at my lifetime limit. I think there should be a bank of nerve pain and when you reach a certain amount then you are just done. Like okay Jenn is done and never has to deal with nerve pain in left leg but still has deposits to make in right arm, left arm and right butt cheek (yes I went there got to keep the humor somehow!) Wouldn’t that be nice? The nerve pain annoys me because somehow I can’t ignore it as easily as other pains. Like my c5 and c6 are bone on bone so my neck hurts frequently, I’ve been getting headaches because of this, that pain I usually can block out. There is nerve pain in my leg and I can’t block it out. I think part of it is that nerve pain tends to be sharp shooting pains where headaches and muscle aches are more dull so your brain can shut them out easier.
I saw on FB yesterday a man asked his wife to draw a picture of everything that was going on in her brain at the given moment so she did, he had no idea what he was in store for. I laughed and asked my wife if she dared ask me to do the same thing, she said NO!! She knows that there are a million thoughts running around my head at any given time and she knows better than to ask whats going on because any time that she has asked for a glimpse into my world she has gotten more than she bargained for in the first half a second. I did find it really interesting. I wonder what people would draw if they stopped and drew what they were thinking about in the moment. What do you think about would your spouse be on the page? Would your kids? Job? Financial difficulties? Religion/faith? Dreams/Aspirations? Plans for tomorrow/week? Would there be 1 thing or 1,000? Do you focus on a few things or many? I can tell you right now I would have a lot of things on my page. I always have lots of thoughts in my head at any one time. It’s also no secret that I always have a lot running around in my head.
Which reminds me I guess I need to start thinking about what the plans for this week are…..